I don't want to do Christmas.

[nevaehsmom327]

This whole year has been such a whirlwind of events for our family, from getting pregnant, a few scares during the pregnancy, having Ari, being home with her for 2 months then BOOM...she's gone, and then the holidays, making the decisions to go back to school, and it's just been even crazier the last two months because of all that.

We have so many Christmas events to go to, and people to see, etc etc etc. I really wish I could just tell everyone "I'm not going". I don't want to. I want to spend my time at home, with my family who UNDERSTANDS what I'm going through. Who knows what feelings I have in my heart.

Instead, we get to go to I don't know how many events where people have moved on with their normal lives again, and act like nothing ever happened. They're not mourning anymore, or if they are they sure don't show it. They act as though Steve and I are "OK", when for the most part we are, but during the holidays when we don't get to bring our baby to the events and show her off is when it hurts the most. Instead, I get to see my sister show off her baby with her husband and it hurts soooooo bad.

Can I just hibernate? Be done with life until the spring arrives?

Ugh - just had to vent. I'm crying at my desk just thinking about it all. This sucks.

[bunsy]

You CAN protect yourself and check out of some of the activities. Looking out for YOUR family is most important--to heck with the extended family, friend, traditional meet-ups. If anyone is upset because you decide to skip something, then THEY have a problem with empathy.

Hugs to you and yours!

[doeeyedgirl]

I agree with Bunsy. Why can't you just say no? These people are supposed to be your close friends and family, I am assuming, so they should definitely understand. Prayers for you and your family, Amy. Maybe now is time to start new traditions and holiday schedules.

*HUGS*

[angel22]

Yep, check out of the holiday travels circle. Don't feel like you HAVE to go anywhere you don't want to. If ANYONE tries to give you a hard time about it, ignore them. They OBVIOUSLY don't have a clue what it's like for you. Use this time to focus on yourself, Steve, and the girls. Do what you need to do for YOU! Personally, I wouldn't be going anywhere, either!

[ladyandrearose]

I'm with the other ladies, Amy! You need to take the time to grieve that you need to, it is YOUR grief, not theirs. I would politely decline the invitation and do what is best for you and your family.

[sarahisis]

I know it's hard to say no to anyone because you don't want to hurt feelings or disappoint anyone, but you definitely have to look out for your own feelings and sanity right now... and that of Steve and the girls. Pick the most important thing to go to... then tell everyone else no, that at least for this year you are going to spend time at home and enjoy all of the blessings you have
love, hugs and prayers!

[nevaehsmom327]

DH doesn't want to skip his "normal" family x-mas. He wants to go down to Mankato this weekend and eat the regular Norwegian meal, play nerts or whatever they call it, their traditional x-mas. He REALLY wants to go, and since we won't have the girls this weekend I just want to stay home, wrap presents, and RELAX.

And I could care less about seeing my family, but I know they would all be upset if I didn't go...and I'm all about pleasing everyone else. That and that's when DD gets most of her presents. She looks so forward to it.

We want to start our own tradition, but the question is WHEN!?!?! We're so freaking busy. And DD goes to her dads friday-Monday, so I can't do anything over the weekend with her this weekend. She comes home xmas eve night.

[sarahisis]

would he go w/o you? he should understand...

sucks that dd is gone for so long... maybe you can do a Christmas Eve tradition with her when she comes home

[nevaehsmom327]

i don't know. he said we can bring all the presents down there to wrap, but then it's like, haul it all in the car, out of the car, back in the car wrapped, then out of the car under our tree. plus don't forget the paper, tape, scissors, ribbon, etc. etc. etc. I know he wants to go, he knows i DON'T want to go...but didn't say too much about it.

We've always done it where she can open one gift of her choice on xmas eve. Other than that, we don't have much for tradition. Besides opening christmas morning of course.

[onlyoneboy]

Do you think he would understand if you explained why you didn't want to go and that it would be allright if he went with out you. Then you could stay home, wrap presents, make cookies, drink beer.

[laurac]

I would stay home, too. One thing my Mom did was if she didn't want to go, then everyone was just going to have to understand and it was THEIR problem.
You understand why DH wants to go, and he needs to understand why you don't. If ever there was a time to start your own traditions, it's now.
We started just staying home on Christmas Day. Our kids barely got to play with their gifts before we were carting them off somewhere else.

Do what's in your heart. People will get over it.

[nevaehsmom327]

I don't know. He REALLY wants me to go. We rarely do anything alone. And I want to be there for him. I don't just want to abandon him because III don't want to do Christmas, but I just REALLY do NOT want to go to Mankato this year. We've seen everyone that will be there besides ONE person, who no one really likes anyway. Ugh.

I just don't want to upset him. I feel like his family would understand, but I'm not sure he does.

[dara1012]

Hugs!

I can hear from your posts how hard this is for you. I agree with the other ladies in that you need to do what is best for you and Steve and the girls. But Steve needs this time with his family....which I understand too. Since this weekend is what he wants, I would say go, but maybe there can be some compromise.

In terms of a tradition here are some ideas I know some families do: Winter Solstice Celebration (this mom is recently divorced and wants something than can always be just her and the kids w/o ex-husband getting involved) another is to celebrate New years Eve as a family and that is when they do their Christmas celebration. You could also do a St. Nicholas day celebration (though that would have to be next year as it is in early Dec).

Hang in there and take care of yourself, Steve & the girls.

[angel22]

We've never had Christmas on Christmas here at home. Every year we go to Superior and stay with my parents. We celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve at my parent's house (big dinner and gifts.) Christmas morning we open up Santa gifts (just stocking stuffers, usually not wrapped) then head out to DH's parent's (now just his mom) house in Duluth for gifts and another big meal. This year I said screw it. This is our last Christmas in this house, our first home together as a family, and I want to have ONE Christmas in it! Besides, DH hasn't been talking to his mom (she's mad at him for telling her that she should actually try to see her granddaughters some time, make an effort to be their lives.) My parent's still don't have a house in livable condition and DH doesn't want to go there just to end up working on it- he needs a break sometimes, too! So this year we are staying home and doing our own thing. We may make a day trip up north some time this weekend to deliver gifts for my nephew and for DH's two neices. Christmas Day is going to be spent HERE. Just us. Doing whatever it is that we feel like doing that day. We have no real plan yet and we may wish that we were up north BUT we don't know until we try it. We are going to attempt having a NEW tradition. I figure, you just have to put your footdown sometimes and the others can just deal with it!

[sarahisis]

traditions are hard... finding the right thing to do with your family...

I know some families that do volunteer work on Christmas day... just for a couple hours before dinner, maybe a soup kitchen

I think next year were going to start some things with Preston.. making cards for the nursing home in our neighborhood, (or the children's hospital) and making a dog blanket and dog cookies for the humane society that we got our dog from!