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Post by dara1012 on May 28, 2013 23:53:26 GMT -6
I need to get this off my chest before I cry or say something I shouldn't to someone.
This Saturday is my graduation from graduate school. I have been extremely busy with work, finishing my thesis, life etc and am just really stressed in general. Right now I am feeling like my graduation is being "pushed aside" or "squeezed in" to everything else. It's like it is something to cross of a to-do list, and not a moment to be celebrated.
First, my brother and sister-in-law aren't even coming b/c they are flying to see a band they have seen multiple times. What hurts is my brother didn't even think to ask when my graduation was before buying tickets even though he knew I was finishing school. When he graduated from dental school our whole family made the 5+ hr drive to celebrate for the whole weekend. I realize that a master's degree isn't "as big a deal" as a dental degree, but I worked really hard for this and he hasn't even acknowledged it really.
Second, my parents are coming but need to leave right away after the ceremony because my mom has to work Sunday morning. Which I understand except that my mom took the following weekend off of work to come help my sister in law with the kids so my brother can fly to a friend's wedding.
Fine, we'll have lunch, go to my graduation and that's it. Except now we can't even go out to lunch b/c my brother's in-laws have a funeral to go to and can't get up to the cities to babysit until late afternoon so my parents are watching his kids until his inlaws can get here which means we'll not only miss lunch, but it will be tight on whether my parents can get to the graduation on time (though their back up plan is my aunt can watch the kids for an hour). My dad said we can still go to lunch but to be honest I really don't want to celebrate my graduation by taking 4 kids to lunch at a nice restaurant, that feels like too much work. DS is 5 and super well-behaved by my niece (4) and nephew (19 months) don't sit well for that kind of thing and the baby is a wild-card (1 1/2 months). I know that I would end up with ketchup in my hair or spit up on my dress and also that I would do most of the work b/c my parents haven't had 3 kids 4 and under in 30 years or so.
My MIL (DH's mom) also emailed that she and my FIL (DH's step dad) aren't able to join us for lunch anyway (not really sure why) and my other MIL (DH's step mom) and FIL are "maybes" as MIL isn't sure how she'll feel after this week's chemo treatment (which I totally understand).
So I'm hurt, I am barely holding everything together with super long weeks at work (I just got home at 12:30am from work - left home at 8:30am, last week was a 58 hr weeks, been over 50hrs/wk for 3 months now), pushing so hard to get my thesis done (so close now - I graduate before it is done, but I am just waiting for feedback from my advisors) and I feel like my graduation is last on everyone's list. It just hurts.
I talked to my dad and he tried to tell me that this was important, but it just feels like it isn't.
Also- because my niece and nephews are coming I need to clean my house really well which I don't have time for, because my 19month old nephew gets into everything! DS has TONS of mini legos, and our house is far from toddler proofed.
Thanks for letting me vent.....
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Post by sarahisis on May 29, 2013 7:37:02 GMT -6
It is a very big deal and you should be very proud!! Sounds like there is a lot of emotional build up.... maybe you need to let yourself have a good cry! As far as the graduation itself goes, and lunch...I'd just make it known how hurt your feelings are that the people you love most aren't going to be there and then just go with the flow. You don't need that added stress. Go with you dh and ds to lunch and if others can join you... good, if not, still celebrate Almost there!!!!!
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Post by laurac on May 29, 2013 8:14:36 GMT -6
I'm so sorry, Deb! You deserve to be celebrated!! You have made such a huge accomplishment while being a wife, mother, employee and friend. I agree with Sarah. Go with your own family and whoever can come can come and make it damn well known they dropped the ball on this. Your graduation is just as big as your brother's. Don't sell yourself short.
IMO, we need a GNO to celebrate Deb's BIG accomplishment!!
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Post by ReneeW on May 29, 2013 8:16:27 GMT -6
Awww this whole thing totally does stink and I don't blame you for feeling hurt. You've obviously worked your butt off and it would be nice to have your efforts celebrated. So yes, absolutely vent to us because you have every right to feel how you're feeling! At the same time, please remember that what truly counts is your OWN sense of accomplishment and YOU knowing all that you did. It would be nice if your family was better able to be part of the acknowledgement and celebration--and it's disappointing that things have panned out this way--try to not let it add stress to your life if you can.
In YOUR heart and mind, you know what this step means, how it will make your professional life better and open doors for your future. You've juggled so, so much doing your masters--if I were in your shoes I'd be rocking back and forth in a corner crying right now!! Seriously!! But you've handled it all and accomplished more than most people can dream about. So I think you should do something special for yourself and try (easier said than done) to remember that your family is proud of you, but most vital is that YOU are proud of YOU. (HUGS)
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Post by ReneeW on May 29, 2013 8:18:18 GMT -6
I agree with LC -- GNO to celebrate!!! FABULOUS idea.
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Post by onlyoneboy on May 29, 2013 8:50:33 GMT -6
I agree with what everybody else said. CONGRATULATIONS DARA!!!!
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Post by bunsy on May 29, 2013 8:57:57 GMT -6
Ditto Ditto Ditto Ditto
I am SO proud of you!
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Post by lilmermaid on May 29, 2013 14:48:31 GMT -6
Congrats!!!! You ROCK!!!!
I agree with what everyone else above said!
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Post by dara1012 on May 29, 2013 17:17:27 GMT -6
Thanks ladies. I appreciate the support and letting me vent.
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Post by bunsy on May 29, 2013 17:20:10 GMT -6
Aw. I wish I were your mommy. I'd be there! Venting is always good. Crying and speaking your mind are always good too.
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Post by dara1012 on May 29, 2013 17:40:17 GMT -6
My parents will be at the graduation. They both have said how proud they are of me, and they have been supportive (especially financially on this journey). I just wish the celebration part had turned out differently.
My mom said she feels put in the "middle" now. I tried to explain that I was trying to be healthy about it by letting people know how I felt instead of bottling it up and pretending everything is fine. Ugh....I feel like I can't win. I have to call my parents tonight with a decision about what to do.
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Post by bunsy on May 29, 2013 18:01:25 GMT -6
Can you just let the grad ceremony stand on its own and have a celebration another time? Like a family party to celebrate your accomplishment?
It is a hard place to be.
FWIW: It IS healthy to speak your mind. How people feel about that is their problem.
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Post by sharon on May 29, 2013 19:43:28 GMT -6
You have a lot to be proud of and I wish your family was circling you with the celebrating you deserve!
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Post by dara1012 on May 29, 2013 20:24:40 GMT -6
My dad offered that we'll do dinner after the ceremony and he and my mom will drive home late (he promised he'll drive safe, it means they won't get home until midnight - but also means the celebration can be more relaxed and won't involve toddlers in a restaurant).
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Post by dara1012 on May 29, 2013 20:25:19 GMT -6
And yes, GNO when my thesis is completed for sure! I'll make you all read it --- just kidding!
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