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Post by jlschlangen on Nov 21, 2011 9:34:34 GMT -6
In our family since we got married we traded every other year w/ my side then the year aren't w/ my family we go to his side. Any party on his side is usually a 1-2 hour drive depending on which sibling's house of his we go to. Well my dh talked to his mom last night and of course she wants us there...well after he hung up the phone he said he wants to go home for thanksgiving. Well this is our year to be w/ side of the family at my mom's. Believe me we have tried to do both sides of family in one day and it just is too much and we usually don't get back to my side soon enough. His side eats at noon my side eats at 4. So it would be an eat & run then eat & run again.
What would you do? So it sounds like my dh is going to go by himself to his mom's for the day and me and the kids will be at my mom's.
We see my side more than his side. We are closer in distnace w/ my side of the family.
Neither family wants to change the day they celbrate. We tried that.
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Post by deannemdm on Nov 21, 2011 9:41:01 GMT -6
I feel for you. My DH's parents are both deceased and his siblings (4 of them ) are pretty spread out (SW MN, Florida, etc) so it is usually my family-- I know my sibs and some of his sibs have the same issue. My mom is pretty flexible about scheduling so the most people can come (maybe move to weekend, etc.) . My SIL in Florida tries to come for every other christmas, and tries to get out one other time during the year. I know she sees her in laws more frequently-- they live in Connecticut and they fly up there more and some of them fly down and have a place in Florida too). The only time only one of us has gone somewhere for the holidays, it is due to illness or work schedule
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Post by jlschlangen on Nov 21, 2011 9:45:18 GMT -6
I personally like my mom's spread for Thanksgiving compared to his b/c his isn't tradition to me. I like tradiotion.
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Post by deannemdm on Nov 21, 2011 9:51:29 GMT -6
would anyone consider adjusting the times? Maybe 12 and 6? I know for christmas my folks went to one on xmas eve and one on xmas day. does DH have siblings? do they have issues?
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Post by ReneeW on Nov 21, 2011 9:54:14 GMT -6
That is tough. My DH and I trade off with our families too. This year it's "my" side of the family for Thanksgiving but we're actually celebrating on Saturday because my sister's family can't make it on Thursday. Which means my ILs luck out because they "get" us for both Tgiving and Christmas.
IMO you should stick to the "swap" schedule. It seems to me like your DH should stick with that as well because how would he feel if it was "his" side of the family's year and you refused to go? Not cool. BUT to keep peace in the household, I would tell him that you believe it's most fair to trade the holidays equitably, and you don't want to upset his family but you're just trying to be as fair as possible. Holidays have more weight and importance than other days, so even if you see your family more frequently because of locations and logistics, they shouldn't get the shaft on holidays.
If your husband stuck with the trading off and on -- if you guys insisted upon that for fairness' sake, maybe the sides of the family would change their minds about celebrating on "off" days (like the weekend before or after a holiday) and that would make it easier one everyone.
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Post by jlschlangen on Nov 21, 2011 10:04:42 GMT -6
Another reason we trade years or families is b/c we try to be at my mom's on thanksgiving when we do is b/c my sister (I only have one sibling) is there w/ her 3 kids. Dh has 2 siblings w/ the spouse's family not from MN so they always stay in MN for all the holidays. Also, I don't think I can change his mind.
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Post by megs25 on Nov 21, 2011 10:14:10 GMT -6
I'd ask DH why he isn't keeping with the tradition of "every other". Also, maybe you could see his side in a month at christmas time? We've had to compromise in the similar fashion. We see both sides christmas (on christmas eve, the other christmas day) but trade on and off thanksgivings. In a perfect world, we'd have an enormous house and have all the families over!
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Post by jessijo on Nov 21, 2011 10:18:47 GMT -6
I agree with trying to change the times of dinner if your hubby insists on being "home' for Thanksgiving. Hopefully someone can compromise so they can all see you. The holiday can be so stressful just trying to keep all the families happy! I'm lucky since my in-laws live on the east coast and don't come here for holidays and we don't go there. We can't afford to fly our family of 4 out there and they just don't want to come here.
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Post by mickeymk on Nov 21, 2011 10:25:06 GMT -6
Go to both. Go to his early, so you are there by 10:30ish to spend sometime with them. Eat and leave by 1:30- 2ish and then you will be to your parents by 4 and you can stay there later as youlive right next door. Thats personally what I would do....I know it makes for a long day but I'm sure you don't have to work on Fri so you could sleep in or you could sleep in in Sat if you are planning to go shopping on Fri.
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Post by kristin8888 on Nov 21, 2011 10:28:18 GMT -6
We have 3 thanksgivings to attend this year. Thursday at 1 with my dad's family, Thursday at 6 with DH's family and Saturday with my mom's family. We make it work. We don't think it fair to not see one side of the family
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Post by laurac on Nov 21, 2011 10:29:55 GMT -6
I'm sorry, Jodi, but I think that's extremely selfish of your DH to not be with the family he created with you on Thanksgiving.
We used to do dinner at my parents and then go to his parents for dessert. And then vice versa. Can you eat at your moms and then go for dessert at his? He can save his appetite if he wants to, but IMO, you should all be together.
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Post by mickeymk on Nov 21, 2011 10:32:50 GMT -6
I'm sorry, Jodi, but I think that's extremely selfish of your DH to not be with the family he created with you on Thanksgiving. We used to do dinner at my parents and then go to his parents for dessert. And then vice versa. Can you eat at your moms and then go for dessert at his? He can save his appetite if he wants to, but IMO, you should all be together. I think they are both being selfish....why should they sit around until 4 in the afternoon? There is no reason they can't see both. I live an hour or better from most of my family and we always make holidays work.. JMO....
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Post by jlschlangen on Nov 21, 2011 10:36:21 GMT -6
His family does noon meal and my mom does 4:00 meal.\
I agree LC it is selfish. This is one of the only holiday's we dispute nearly every year. Yes, LC I agree we should all be together.
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Post by jlschlangen on Nov 21, 2011 10:38:30 GMT -6
Don't get me wrong I love both sides of family. I just don't know what to do b/c I love being w/ family.
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Post by kristin8888 on Nov 21, 2011 10:39:47 GMT -6
So go to his family at noon, eat, chat for half hour then go to your side. Yes its a lot of running, yes it makes your day busy but wouldn't it be worth it to see all the family? I bet all the grandparents would love to see their grandkids....
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